Find who you are and then decide what to do

When I was 15, back in the year 2000, I decided I wanted to be an engineer. I was incredibly excited about the Internet. The Matrix movie had just come out, and I was fascinated by Mr. Anderson (NEO), who worked at a big company writing software, yet was also an impressive hacker.

At that time, I was experimenting with Linux, writing software, and diving into open source. I was juggling many interests, trying to discover my true self.

In a way, what you choose to do defines who you are. The first thing you tell people about yourself is what you do, so it seemed natural to let that define your identity.

However, as I grew older, I realized it actually works the other way around. You understand who you are, and then you choose what to do.

Took me twenty years to understand it. I was trying too hard to impress others with my accomplishments—talking about the people I met, the places I visited, and the money I made. This path led me to lose sight of my true self, leaving me feeling empty afterward.

I found that true happiness is tied to understanding who you are. Many people can do what you do—for instance, anyone can become a software engineer—but only you can be uniquely you. There's no one better at being me than myself.

I've become more intentional about who I spend my time with. In the past, I spent time with people I wanted to impress. Now, I only spend time with those with whom I can be myself. I talk about topics I enjoy, share jokes I find funny, and discuss my struggles openly. I'm no longer trying to impress anyone; I'm just being myself.

This approach results in having fewer people in your life, but those relationships are far more meaningful. The key insight here is to find who you are first (the person), and then decide what to do (the occupation).

Related reading: Do things that make you feel more like you