You Don't Need a Therapist. You Need a Coach

When I was investing in companies, I learned something about founders that I wasn't expecting. It's easy to be a CEO when things are going well. Everyone gets paid. Everyone feels great. Everyone wants to be around you.

But I found that you really get to know people when things go south.

I remember working with business founders who had serious problems. Problems that required immediate decisions, uncomfortable conversations, and sometimes admitting that they had made mistakes. It sucks. Instead of confronting those problems, some would retreat into their emotions and embrace the victim mentality.

They felt overwhelmed. They felt stressed. They were going through a difficult personal moment. And maybe they were. I don't doubt it. But I remember thinking: What does any of that have to do with the people depending on you?

Your employees still need to get paid. Your customers still expect you to deliver. Your investors still expect you to take care of the money they trusted you with.

None of those responsibilities disappear because you're having a bad day.

No one cares.

And this is something that has bothered me ever since. It's cruel, cold, raw, but it is what it is.

I've seen the social narrative over the last few years encouraging people to become more emotionally aware. To embrace vulnerability, talk about their feelings, and prioritize their mental well-being. No wonder we don't have strong leaders anymore. We've taken it too far.

We've started treating emotions as acceptable substitutes for results.

You didn't make that difficult decision because you were overwhelmed. It's ok baby.

You didn't have that uncomfortable conversation because you were protecting yourself. It's ok sweetheart.

You didn't fulfill your commitments because you were struggling emotionally. It's ok to put your emotions first.

And suddenly, instead of asking why something didn't get done, everyone is discussing how the person feels about it. We ended up running a talk show 24/7.

I don't think that's the leadership we need. I've been running my own company for years. I've experienced the uncertainty, the stress, and the responsibility of having other people depend on my decisions. I don't encourage anyone to get this burden on themselves.

There have been plenty of days when I didn't feel like dealing with a problem. But I've learned that my feelings don't determine my responsibilities. I can be stressed and still make a decision. I can be afraid and still have a difficult conversation. I can feel overwhelmed and still be accountable for what I promised. I still show up, no matter how I feel.

That's why hiding behind a therapist to help them understand their feelings is such a common mistake. They need a coach to make them get their shit together.

Someone who asks for results, who doesn't accept an elaborate explanation every time something goes wrong. Someone who can say, "I understand you're having a difficult time. Now, what are you going to do about it?"

The problem isn't that you don't understand yourself. Spoiler alert: No one does, and yet the show goes on.

I worry that we ended up with a generation of people who are increasingly comfortable talking about their vulnerabilities but less comfortable being held accountable.

Courage has never been about not experiencing emotions. It's about being able to act despite them.

When you become a parent, get a job, or start a business, you accept a responsibility that goes beyond yourself. You have people counting on you. They deserve someone who shows up when things get difficult, not just when things are going well.

Looking back at my experience as an investor, I got tired of the founders who had the best explanations for why things weren't working.

The ones who faced their problems, took responsibility, and did something about them. That's the kind of people I respect. That's the kind of leader I try to be.